I have always had some issues with body image. Even during my slim 120 lb pre-mommy days there was major anxiety of nudity. I can't say that I recall any specific time in my life where something occurred to cause this anxiety; but I feel as if my husband (or anyone else) were to see me nude then they wouldn't respect me, want me etc.
Now, in today's society you had better not even comment about your appearance, or everyone will tell you to be proud, heck you just had triplets right? Sigh. Yes. Yes I did. 10 months ago. TEN. And all I see is a body that looks so saggy, heavy, rippling and so out of place it's nauseating. I can easily tell OTHER people to be proud of their bodies, they bore beautiful children etc. So why can't I see myself this way?
I think *and have thought for some time* that I have a more deep seeded problem with it. I have found some information online and maybe I am somewhat Gymnophobic? Just the thought of T seeing me nude makes me sweaty, nauseous, scared and I just want to cry.
Gymnophobics experience anxiety from being nude, which may be manifested as rapid breathing, shortness of breath, nausea, sweating, feelings of dread and irregular heart beat. Different people feel anxiety in different ways.
see all those things listed above? Yup, I feel them ALL. I get it when I see myself nude too! This must be a problem right? Of course it is! Now what??
Of the Body
Before we got our miracle science babies, I was somewhat active, attending a local gym several days a week with my girlfriend and our personal trainer. Walking, and just going here and there. Of course I had down days, (battling infertility emotions and drugs will do that to you) and still had the fear listed above; but my body was strong and I felt Good.
During the pregnancy, I was very early limited on my activity, and then on bed rest at 24 weeks. I could feel my body "melting" no energy, low muscle tone and general weakness. Knowing this was all in the best interest for my babies, I was ok with it. Even enjoyed it for a while!
After the babies were born I remember laying in the recovery room, on my back and feeling empty, not emotionally, but physically! I looked down at my mid-section only to see my mid seciton, sunken in, almost flat on the table, with a very defined round lump (uterus) protruding. Very cartoon like!
Shortly after having the babies I started to feel this shifting... in my middle, the organs moving back and re-assuming their rightful positions in my abdomen. It was a strange feeling... but nothing compared to what came next!!
Now we are about a week and a half post hospital discharge, the boys are 2 weeks old... and something strange happens! I wake up one morning, roll to my side as I had become accustomed to, and then sat up-using more of my midsection than I had in a very long time... It was then a wave of uneasiness came over me and I thought I would faint. I felt as if my "guts" were trying to come out, and there was this lump. This went on and on and did not get better even as my body healed and started feeling stronger. I always got this shifting feeling when I went from laying down to sitting or standing; and the thought that my guts would come pouring out onto the floor was ever present. *yes I know they wouldn't have actually spilled out; but it really did FEEL that way. Gross right? Just imagine how it looks!
please note this is not my stomach, I am not that brave! But this is what it looks like when you look down.
How did this happen?
During my pregnancy, as with all women, the abdominal muscles separated. But what happens with a triplet pregnancy, (and often with twins and even with just singletons) is that the abdominal muscles get so stretched apart, that after babies they don't go back together. This is called Diastasis Recti - mine is a hands width apart.
At about 32/33 weeks of pregnancy I started feeling like I was tearing from the inside out; I believe this was the connective tissues that would have helped bring those muscles back together. Having been referred to a specialist, I know that it can be surgically corrected. I have since learned there is a program you can follow that involves splinting, special exercises etc that can help fix this Diastasis.
Diastasis can cause back ache, leg pain, tiredness, and long term problems if left untreated or if you do not know how to manage from it. You compensate for these issues and that puts wear on your body in other areas, which can cause lots of aches and pains.
The stretch marks and access skin are par for the course and I can live with those (*for now) but the stomach falling forward and aches and pains and weakness I cannot! This has been very limiting for me; making it hard to perform many daily tasks, including lifting and carrying my children, bending, playing and doing my daily household chores.
Good new!!! I have found something that proves to be very promising! Diastasis Rehab in the form of the Tupler Technique! I am ready! I have splints, I have the program, I have support and I am ready! Lets fix this thing so I can feel GOOD again!
www.diastasisrehab.com
I will let you know how it goes!
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